What did you talk about after the turkey was sliced?

So, here we are y’all. Another moment to cavort with family members who you only see twice a year for a reason. I can only imagine the leaps people made to conflate their high school heartbreak to what it must be like living overseas. Or, maybe someone told you that your generation doesn’t want to work hard anymore, and that’s why their generation can’t retire or has to sell the house. Either way, you made it through and here we are.

So, after those bristling moments, you know what I’m going to say right? That was an opportunity to hear the mindstate of a person that is battling with knowing they are not the center of this new worlds desire? When you’ve been told 90% of your surroundings are catered to you, you don’t have the awareness to adjust to working toward a goal like everyone else.

Welp…Must’ve Been a Busy Number

Today was supposed to be the day. The day I started my health journey and visited the gym. Instead, I immediately went to sleep and am now contemplating if I should run on the treadmill, or LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE.

This is what sparked the question: What about those times when you feel like you can’t parent the right way, no matter how you prepare yourself the night/week/month before? Co-parenting with distance will bring up these moments in real time. You can plan for an event, but then the other parental unit has something they forgot to inform you about. You reach out to talk to your child, but it seems like a cell phone is suddenly never around. These moments mount on top of the frustration that we aren’t “Doing things right” by being a distant parent.

It’s this self-loathing that starts the spiral and that is what I refuse to do with my life. You are doing an amazing job, you are blazing a trail of a new level of communication that takes three things:

1. Schedule a time to speak with your child

   1. This is not a hard one, but here’s what’s happening in the realm of parenthood - We sometimes believe that simply being a parent means we have unfettered access to our child. We are doing ourselves and the co-parent a disservice with this frame of mind.

   2. Speak with the parent, not the child first. Inform them of your desire to have a time slot to speak to your child, with the understanding that daily tasks might prevent this. The more open you are and honest about your desire to simply speak with your child, the better way you and your co-parental unit can build a firm communication and understanding of boundaries to availability.

2. If your child says no, respect it.

   1. This has been the hardest one for me. I don’t get a lot of time to speak to my little one during the week, so when I have the moment to speak, I don’t always get a listening ear. FaceTime has only driven the point home that my little one is OVER IT on some days. We have to respect our child’s ability to make their decisions without feeling as though we are being blocked out. We are raising children, not recruiting soldiers to fight for our side.

3. Be easy on yourself

   1. You won’t always get the time you’d like when it comes to co-parenting. It’s not because someone wants you to suffer, it’s because this world will not stop and make way for your desires to come true. Harsh right?? Trust me, it’s better to hear it from a non-verbal blog post than have your child tell you they don’t feel comfortable speaking to you.

As always, you’re doing a great job! Stay Safe

-DGG

A Dream Inside A Dream…

Yes, Inception is a favorite film of mine. It doesn’t mean this first blog post is about the ins and outs of four-dimensional space travel I’m saying would we go back to prevent our mistakes if those actions bring us to the pivotal moments in our lives? Yeah, I wrote this on a Sunday morning while daydreaming. I’m a Pisces, so get ready for a lot of this type of “structured” conversation.

This blog is not just a dumping ground for scatological thoughts. I’ve spent too much time thinking now it’s time for action. The action we have in front of is this: Deconstructing fatherhood and examining what really makes a great parent. Although I will talk about fatherhood, I believe many of these moments can help most parents as they navigate the following experiences:

• Co-parenting (small or great distances) and forming a mutual agreement

• Conversing with additional parental units

• Keeping yourself safe when parenting from a distance

• Creating a safe and trusting conversation space for your child

We are going to get through this together, whether we like it or not lol.